Green tips for getting rid of Post-Halloween vampires

November 15, 2010

Greetings Green Frugal readers!  My name is Chad, and not only am I a weekend Shipping Associate for MKZbooks/Cash4books, but I’m also the author of a forthcoming book of horror poems called The Vampire Bridegroom.  Now that Halloween is long over (and if you’re like me), you might still have a few leftover pumpkins rotting with green fuzz on the front porch, a diminishing bowl of candy that needs to be dropped off in the break room at work, and a few pesky vampires still hanging around that need to be staked and burnt up.  As the resident vampire expert here at MKZbooks, I thought I would offer a couple of environmentally friendly ways to dispose of those bloodsucking fiends without mucking things up for Mother Nature.

First off, you want to wear a heavy garlic necklace (think a Hawaiian lei of garlic cloves).  This stuff is like Kryptonite for vampires, so you’ll find them much weaker and more pliable if you come prepared.  But here’s the key: your garlic must be organic.  I recommend a local farmer’s market.  Believe me, vampires know the difference.

Next, you have to stake your vampires through the heart.  I know a lot of salesmen will tell you that you have to use brand-name vampire-killing hardware with a toxic chemical varnish.  Folks, I’m here to tell you that’s a bunch of hooey; a wooden stake is a wooden stake after all.  You can re-use a table leg with a slight modification for a sharp tip.

Most importantly, when it’s time to burn up your staked vampire, instead of polluting the atmosphere with a wasteful funeral pyre (remember: you’re not supposed to burn up those raked leaves, either), use what Mother Nature gave us for quick, effective vampire immolation: the sun!  Solar radiation will burn up a vampire lickety-split with almost zero carbon output.

I hope that gives you a few (extra-green) ideas for dealing with those lingering Halloween guests who can’t take a hint that now it’s Thanksgiving’s turn.

A final note: for all of you vampire fans out there, remember to send your vampire novels to Cash4books.net for some quick cash.  We love all kinds of vampire books here: vampire romances, vampire histories, vampire encyclopedias, and even vampire D.I.Y. guides, but please remember not to send us any books you read while actually drinking blood–those little dribbles make resale impossible!

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